Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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