Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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