This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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