there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize