If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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