Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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