Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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