please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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