Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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