If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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