it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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