And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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