I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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