I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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