this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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