We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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