I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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