Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize