this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize