I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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