If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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