I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize