i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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