i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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