I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize