I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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