I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize