I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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