make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize