This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize