I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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