He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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