According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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