Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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