I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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