is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize