If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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