this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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