So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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