Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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