I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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