Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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