he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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