I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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