Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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