apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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