In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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