You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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