You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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