I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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